Who's Yo Daddy???

Ok, I guess the title is a bit old, but I figured it was still appropriate to this whole sagga about me and my parents. I got to thinking about how this all really got started, last week, when I emailed Erik and asked him to help me out in finding out what good dads are like -- what they feel like and what they think the job description of dadness is. I think God told him to hold off on that one, because God had other plans for me. But that's not even actually where this got started! Come to think of it, the whole reason I emailed Erik was simple enough: so far, God has been my Husband, but I've heard it said time and time again "God is like a dad - just not like your dad." "Alright then," I thought, "I'll find out what kind of dad God IS like! I'll ask someone I trust to help me out in that process. Erik's a good choice, I'll ask him."

I wasn't feeling some burning angst that I was missing out on something spectacular with God. I suppose I've given that impression to at least some of you, either in this blog or through email. I apologise to all of you: that was not my intent. Yes, my Spiritual Husband-Wife type relationship with Him has been very strained during this ordeal, because my heart just gets weird when it becomes wounded, but I hope it's undertstood that things between God and I are cool, particularly at the moment, and so I'm not worried about that. Anyway, all I was doing was realizing that God plays multiple roles in our lives, and I wanted to know what role He's been playing in my life that I've not recognised. The role of "dad" was an obvious one. I've never seen Him as my Dad, because I have not known what to look for in a healthy Father-Daughter relationship with Him. My email says Child of God Forever, but I have to admit something here: that was a half-hearted attempt to slam my parents when I was much younger and did not have a Real Relationship of any kind with God at all. I was sick of how they treated me then, just as I've gone through now, and I wanted them to understand that they no longer control me. To me, God was a control freak who wanted good things (in the next life) for His kids, and who somehow kept them barely alive and afloat in this life. I had no idea what God is really like back then.

Since then, I've learned to think of Him as my Husband, because, well, He wooed me very directly, and He's here with me now the way I would like my future human husband to be. Perhaps that's placing too much expectation on that man, whoever he is, I don't know. I do know that God has filled certain needs/holes in my heart that I used to think only a human husband could/would/should do. As for the dad thing, honestly, this all started out SO innocently. I just wanted to learn to see God as a Dad figure in my life, mainly because that's a rather Biblical thing to do. I wasn't really looking for Him to somehow replace my dad in my life (though He's welcome to do so any time, thanks). I can be very cerebral at times, and this was one of those moments where emotions really just were non-existant.

So, this thing of what a good dad is like, and what God is like as a Good Dad... Is that for me? I had never thought of the concept that any role God plays wouldn't be for a person, until an email I recieved earlier today that pointed this possibility out to me. I'm starting to think that perhaps God has been trying to get a certain ball rolling, but it hasn't traveled the full path down the hill yet. I have keenly felt the challenge to go over a certain web page and take some notes, then compare them with what I can find in the Bible that shows how God is like certain things I've found in that page, and also add the times that God has been that way towards me personally (kinda the whole point of this little exercise). No, Earl, you aren't God! ;) :p But from what Laura wrote on that page, it's a good place for me to start, now that MANY of my own personal emotional issues are getting resolved, and rather quickly I might add! No, I won't end with just taking a look at Earl's dadness to Laura, as I suspect that God is about to put other men in my life who show a clear picture of His Love for His Daughters. But Earl, you're the first, so shake your hand for me, pat yourself on the back, and have Gail throw you a little party to celebrate that :) You did a GREAT job with Laura, and obviousely with Thor, the world famous playwrite! So, you get first dibs on this little exercise I'm doing here, based on your Loving daughter's description of your dadness. And no, Laura, I don't see your dad as an exact template or something. No dad will ever be perfect! But there are good qualities in your dad's dadness that I can clearly see are straight from God, through his daddy's heart, meant as gifts for you. I'm not you, and so the details in my life as God's daughter will not be the same as the details in your life as Earl's daughter. I know that. I think you'll see the point I'm making as I go on with this instead of continuing to hang out in this long paragraph babbling about it.

Ok, so, Earl's dadness:

1. Helped Laura to see how the things other people don't like about her can also be things that are good.
2. Spent enough personal time with Laura that she knows what they would have eaten together every night.
3. Laura was her dad's favorite.
4. It hurt Earl when he nearly hurt Laura.
5. Taught Laura to make the choices she wanted to make.
6. Um, I think I'll skip the dead birds in the freezer thing: that's one I just don't personally understand... *snickers*
7. Made the best decision an unsure dad can make, as well as trusted Laura's judgement and was on her side no matter what.
8. Thinks of Laura to this day and Loves her dearly.
9. Took Laura out on monthly dates and still holds her hand in public.
10. Made sure that Laura knew the value of dad's and daughters enjoying each other, rather than loathing and dispising each other, and so forth.

Heh - I guess you could call that the "Ten Commandments" of dadness according to the life and example of Earl Aagaard! Ok, so now, how did God treat people in the Bible in similar ways? That's a really good challenge for me.

1. "Somebody touched me."
   
2. "My Father and I will make our home with them and dine with them."
   
3. "You were chosen from among all the nations."
   
4. "I will hide my face from you for a time, but will turn back again." (paraphrase, I'll have to look that one up)
   
5. "Esther was given all that she wanted." (again, paraphrase - I promise, when it's not 12:24 am, I WILL go back and look these up!)
   
6. "Are you not worth more than two sparrows?"
   
7. In truth, I can't think of a good example for this one right off the top of my head. Perhaps in time, God will give me something regarding it.
   
8. "See, I have engraved you on the palms of My hands and my feet!"
   
9. "From one new moon to another" and "I will be with you until the end of the world/age"
   
10. I think here of how God was so good to Hagar, Ishamaal's mother.

So then, how has God treated me in similar ways? That may take longer to answer than short sentances, but I'll try anyway...

1. When I was hurting the most, God provided me with Promises, Answers, and much Healing from the hurts that others had inflicted on me throughout my life. He still continues to do this.
   
2. God has litterally been making His home inside me, and spending time with Him is like feasting at a great Banquet table meant JUST for Him and me!
   
3. God chose me from among so MANY people to have this very special and unique Relationship that I have with Him. Though it's offered to all, so very few are lead directly into it and answer that leading call.
   
4. Oh, the pain! Trust me, there have been times when God HAD to do things that felt SO painful to me, for a time, yet in the end, rather than being hurt, I was Protected and Healed. And when I cried, God cried, and I know this for a fact. *sends out a special hug*
   
5. There have been times, especially lately, when the world has seemed to be my playground, and I could choose to go anywhere and be and do anything: God has been giving me more choices than I know what to do with!
   
6. My personal, inherant value as one who Belong's to Him and lives in His heart of hearts, is pretty much the FIRST thing that God restored to my heart, after so MANY people had ripped it out, stomped on it, and ground it into the dust.
   
7. In truth, I can't think of a good example for this one right off the top of my head, even in this context. Perhaps in time, God will give me something regarding it.
   
8. God has this funny way of making sure I don't forget that He has never forgotten me ;)
   
9. God invited me to join Him at His parties and celebrate my Relationship with Him, as well as the Relationship He STILL offers to physical Israel, if they would only take hold of it in the Messiah. And I am litterally Spiritually chained to Him - He will never be far from me, only near.
   
10. When God saw me emotionally dead and Spiritually dying, He brought me to The Water of Life, and I'm still drinking and so I'll never be thirsty again! (Oh, oops, is that the wrong story? ;) )

Wow - so, God HAS been a good Daddy to me! I knew there had to be SOME good reason for this rather turbulent emotional upheaval I've experienced in the last few days since I first saw that page Laura wrote last October as a tribute to her dad.

So, thanks God, for not only being my Husband, but also my Dad. I've needed you my whole life. I know now you were there, I just didn't understant it, because I didn't have anything to go off of to recognise that about you. Thanks for helping Earl be a good example of you, and for shining through him. I know you have other men you want me to learn your Daddness from, but thanks for letting Earl be the first one I could learn from about you in that capacity - thanks for choosing my longest time best friend to be his daughter, and thanks again for bringing her and me back into each other's lives again. Amen.