What if?

What if no one ever made a big deal out of whether or not you should worry about...

1. The way you look.
2. What others think of you as a person.
3. What you think of your performance.
4. Whether or not you should want to befriend people from another race or creed.
   

Would you ever worry about these things, or would it never dawn on you to worry in the first place?

I ask this because, until the kids in my first grade class and I were told that we should be extra careful around people of other races, it never dawned on me that there was anything different about the Korean kid, the Irish kid, the Swedish kid, and some other kids who's heritages I don't know for sure what they were... It never occurred to me to think of them as being any different from myself. To me, they were just kids, like me, and I didn't have to be extra nice to them - I just was really nice to everyone, because that was who I was inside. By the time I was in third grade, we had a couple of black kids in our class. I say black because I have no idea - were they African or Jamaican? If African, which country were they from? In those days, you didn't ask, because it might be viewed as your looking for some occasion to judge or make fun of them or something rediculous. And so I missed out on an GREAT opportunity to get to know them, not only for their heritages, but for their individual families and for themselves personally. I've come to wonder: if I had never been told to be extra nice to black people, to walk on egg-shells around them, to feel like I owed them extra respect, dignity, etc., that others of other races, or that I, from my own race, did not deserve... If instead I had simply been taught some basic people-skills and how to be a good friend to anyone, even "imperfect people" (everyone)... Would I have more friends, know more about different cultures, and generally be at greater peace in every day life? Would I feel, by now, like others from other walks of life, wanted to get to know me in my walk?

There's always today and tomorrow to change the damage from yesterday. The first thing I'd like to do is drop the "extra nice" act. Instead, I'd like to learn to have empathy towards others and really towards myself. I'd like to learn what it means to reach out and give Love to others in ways I haven't done before. I don't want to be nice to others because they are from another race that I have to be nice to. Instead, I want to be Loving towards others because they are people, God's children.

Yes, I still struggle here at home. Dad wants me gone, and really, is inaccessable to me. Mom and I are getting along better today. We only had one minor tiff which was quickly resolved. Tonight, I hugged her good night. She said she loves me! I told her I love her too :) I'm still not staying in this house though. That ship has sailed. Amidst other things going on, God Himself told me to start packing yesterday, so that's what I started doing. That'll take awhile, but I'm working on it.

Thanks for keeping me in prayer :)